The Chicken and the Egg

I've been in one of those "ehhhh" funks for the last week or two. Not sad, not unhappy, just blah. I'm not sure why... it just feels like I have no motivation right now. To borrow a phrase from Office Space, "It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care." I'm not sure why I've felt this way, I just do. And it's kind of a vicious cycle, I'm blah because of the mundane, but the mundane persists because I'm too blah to break out of it, did that make sense? It's the chicken and the egg.

But I do care. I do care that I'm healthy and exercise more than once a week. I do care that I have clean clothes to wear tomorrow. I do care that we eat a home-cooked meal every now and then (I think). But when I get home from work, after having to care about so many other people's issues and take care of them, sometimes there just isn't any left for me. It's so easy to just care about it tomrorow. Sure, I could go do a few loads of laundry and wash those dishes and vacuum and got through the mail and run on the treadmill and a million other things...or I could just put on my sweats, cuddle up next to the space heater with Brody and watch the shows in our Hulu queue. Gee, that's a real hard decision.

I'm going to go ahead and blame this funk on a few outside influences--because I'm an American and why would I take responsibility for my actions?

First: It's winter. I think a fair portion of this blah can be blamed on SAD, and the fact that it looks like 10 pm every night when I get off work. And it's been rainy and cloudy and actually snowed over the weekend, so we haven't seen the sun in a while.

Second: It's winter. And it's really cold, and getting up to do all the things on my list means not being wrapped up in a quilt.

Third: The whole getting robbed by someone who we've spent months and months helping. That was just a downer, and not super easy to recover from. Especially when they have the stones to show up again last week. It was the second most uncomfortable situation I've ever been in.

Fourth: It's winter.

Fifth: South Carolina. Really?! Gingrich?!? REALLY????!!!! The man is the epitome of a Washington-insider, d-bag who has cheated on every wife he's had, and got paid craploads from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Yes. That Fannie and Freddie that ruined the economy a couple of years ago. But you're right South Carolina, he's really good at dodging debate questions and re-directing focus away from his HORRIFIC track record and reputation and all-around UNELECTABILITY in a national election. No, you're totally right. Way to be smart. You just went with the candidate that Sarah Palin endorsed. Yeah.

Sixth: The new responsibility. I'm going to be vague here, but let's just say I inherited a new, big, responsiblity at work from a girl that quit at the New Year, and it's trying my patience pretty bad.

But really, the answer to the whole chicken and the egg question is that a circle has no begining. So I just need to make a sharp left and jolt myself out of it.

And I have a plan to kick-start my motivation. I've given myself a rule that I can't buy any new clothes until I'm back on the daily (or at least tri-weekly) exercising wagon. Any time I feel frustrated at work, I just think to the future and how this stupid issue has absolutely no bearing on mine (that's why I don't get paid the big bucks). The thief will pay eventually and it will be sweet vindication when they do. As for the whole winter issue... I can't exactly fix that, but I can daydream about spring and scroll through beautiful, sunny photos on pinterest. I may even make myself a list of resolutions (because I definitely didn't at the New Year) tonight for Family Home Evening (which is also something that will be on the list, because we seriously struggle with it----i.e. we've never had one). And if you have any bright, inspiring ideas-- please do share :)