Some Common Sense Guidelines That Apparently Still Need to be Said

"Oh when is your baby due?" the checkout girl asked me, eyeing my belly as we rounded up the last of our groceries.

"December 8th." I replied, trying to wrangle Cadence and keep her from grabbing the groceries of the guy behind us. An obvious look of surprise washed over the checkout girl's face as she took one more look at my stomach.

"Oh. So you have a long time then." I saw the surprise in her face and heard it in her voice. She had been expecting me to say "any day now", or certainly sometime sooner than 9 measly weeks. Surely, someone as massive and huge as I am must be seconds away from her water breaking. That's what I really heard when she responded. Her body language was plain as day. And with that lovely pang of insecurity in my chest and her shocked expression burned into my brain, we left the store.

Pregnancy is miraculous. My body, the female body, is creating life.  When you stop and think about it, giving birth is pretty much as close to the divine as we come in this life.  And it's hard. And beautiful. And painful, and basically a three-ring circus of weird, random, unbelievable, hormonal changes going on in there. It's the miracle of life in action and I am so so grateful to get to experience it again. I know how much of a struggle it can be for some women to get pregnant, and that some never get to experience it altogether. I never take that for granted, not for a second.  Having said that...

The other miraculous thing that happens during pregnancy is that somehow your body, your mood, your looks, your fashion, your size and weight and anything else that is normally protected under the rules of politeness and civility become fair game for anyone and everyone to comment on! And to according some people, (at least in their minds) they get to touch you too! Yes, complete strangers, even creepy old men, feel as though the normal laws of society don't apply when someone is pregnant, and they get to touch your stomach if they feel the urge.  Nope.

Legally speaking (and I double-checked with Brody on this) it's actually battery and assault for you to touch my stomach. Really, I could have you arrested.  Picture for a second, said creepy old man running into... Jennifer Lawrence on the street and then proceeding to touch and rub her non-pregnant stomach. Gross right?  Super creepy, no?  He'd definitely go to jail. That's because it's assault and it still applies when women are pregnant--shocking, I know.  And believe it or not, we don't actually enjoy hearing about how big we look. Would you like it if someone told you that you look huge? Would you take it as a compliment if someone said you had gotten so big? No? Didn't think so. We don't like it either.

The thing is, that pregnant lady you run into at the grocery store? She's probably not sleeping great, has really bad heartburn, her feet and ankles might be swelling and in pain, she's probably feeling some form of fatigue, or nausea, probably already feels very insecure about the size of her belly and the way her body looks in general---big or small. She's probably been seeing numbers on her bathroom scale that absolutely terrify her.  She may have even had a really really hard time getting pregnant, and because of that she might feel guilty for any negative feelings she has towards pregnancy which is just a double-dose of unfair because who in their right mind is supposed to enjoy feeling nauseated by their favorite foods?  She probably took forever to find an outfit that was passable for going out into society that only makes her feel like a manatee instead of a full-blown whale.  She really doesn't need to know whether you, a complete stranger, think her belly looks huge or tiny (yes, saying her belly is tiny may also make her feel insecure especially if her baby isn't growing the way they should, maybe there's a complication, etc.). Just don't go there. If you have to say something, just tell her she is a walking miracle and be on your way. Tell her she is glowing and beautiful and a rock star.  Or just leave her alone, that's more than fine too.

Do not ask her if it was a planned pregnancy, that's none of your business. Do not ask her if she's going to deliver naturally, or medicated, or at home, that's also none of your business. Do not ask her if she is going to breastfeed or use formula, that's none of your business. Do not ask her how old or young she is, that's none of your business. Do not, DO NOT, tell her about how bad epidurals are for the baby and how she is going to be a terrible mother if she wants the drugs. Do not tell her how unsafe home births are and how she is going to be a terrible mother if she doesn't deliver at a hospital. Do not ask if she is going to co-sleep, or use the cry-it-out method, or use disposable or re-usable diapers. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  Do not assume that you know more about her body and what's best for her and her baby than she does. YOU DON'T. Don't passive-aggressively post preachy articles to Facebook about how she should deliver naturally, or how terrible c-sections are, or the differences between formula-fed and breastfed babies. Believe it or not you aren't being subtle, and you're probably annoying everyone else in your feed too.  Just stop. Don't insult her by assuming she hasn't already done her own research on it. Don't insult her by assuming that what worked for you, is what will work best for her. JUST. STOP.

Believe it or not, like most people, pregnant women will ask for it if they want your advice. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself.  Mmmkay? Thanks.

Oh and please, for the love, don't even start on vaccines, you're just going to make yourself sound like a moron.


30 Weeks

Remind me never to take a picture with the awkward half-open cheese-ball smile, yikes haha
The Goose had to get in on the action but then immediately did not want her picture taken
Oh my heart, there is just nothing cuter than when she nestles in with daddy with a good book

It was so nice to watch conference this weekend and spend the days with my favorite people in the world. Conference is always so good for the soul, and the October session is always my favorite for some reason.  I had Brody take some pictures of my 30-week bump (I've tried to be better about taking them more often, but I think I'm failing miserably).  I can't believe we only have 10 weeks until Baby Girl #2 arrives!

 Cadence is talking non-stop--most of it is still gibberish--but she has added quite a few more words to her repertoire including, 'hot', 'milk', 'juice', 'purple' and 'night night'. She loves to play peek-a-boo, get chased by anyone, and loves books more than anything :) Watching her run is probably my favorite thing in the world, and she loves giving people kissies with the cutest, most exaggerated pucker you've ever seen.


Can't Help Myself

I spent some of the weekend putting up some fall decor around my mom's house.  I don't have my own and it's almost unhealthy how excited I get and how much time I spend just thinking about having a house to decorate for holidays someday.  I made that Halloween banner and advent calendar last year (total PB knockoffs), and I claim it's for my kids to enjoy but really...I couldn't wait to get them out of storage :)  I may have already been stressing about the thought of not ordering Baby Girl #2's stocking early enough to have by Christmas...yes I've thought about this multiple times and I have the actual stocking already picked out and ready to go, we just need to decide on a name.  Which, currently our front runners are Abby, Emily and Olivia.

I'm officially in my third trimester now (I'll post a bump update soon), and I'm starting to feel it. The kicks aren't magical, soft little movements anymore but painful, sharp jabs and stretches--I'd forgotten how bad they can hurt. But I must say this pregnancy has been a lot less painful overall and not just because we aren't dealing with the stress of a flooded apartment, graduation, and a cross-country move.  There has been no tailbone pain to speak of, barely any sciatic nerve pain, and only a couple instances of round ligament pain so far (knock on wood). It's gone by so fast and I feel like once October hits the rest of the year will fly by. It's crazy to think that Baby Girl #2 will be here in 10 weeks, and that Halloween and Thanksgiving will both happen during that 10 weeks. Yikes!


Goodbye Summer

Even though it's still in the 80's outside, we are ready to welcome fall around here



"And all at once, summer collapsed into fall."


Movie Buffs

Brody and I share a love of movies, or at least a desire to love movies, (I especially am becoming more and more hard to please..) and there are a lot of promising movies to look forward to this fall so I'm trying to keep my expectations in check while still allowing a good amount of excitement. But look how long that list is! Yay!  Plus all our TV shows will be back on in the fall...

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens - I think everyone wants to see this one. And will.
  • Spectre - I really liked Skyfall and can't wait to see Christophe Waltz as a Bond villain. Absolutely!
  • The Martian - The cast. The concept. Based on a good book. I'm there. (I also want to read the book so if you have a copy...)
  • Steve Jobs - I loved The Social Network and am really curious to see what Aaron Sorkin has done with Steve Jobs' story. Plus Danny Boyle intrigues me so it should be good, right?
  • Bridge of Spies - Spielberg and Hanks in a Cold War drama about an attorney? Yes please.
  • The Intern - I just kind of love Nancy Meyers movies (Father of the Bride, Somethings Gotta Give, It's Complicated) even though it's usually more for the homes and interiors than anything else ;)
  • Hateful 8 - Tarantino is a violent nut job, but that nut job knows how to make a good movie.
  • Spotlight - Michael Keaton, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Stanley Tucci uncovering the massive Catholic Church scandal? Yeah. I'd watch that. Plus I feel like Michael Keaton only comes out of the woodwork to do a really good movie so....we'll see.
  • The Revenant - I liked Birdman a lot so I'm really curious to see this one, plus it has Leo and he doesn't really make a bad movie....Leo*whispered*
  • Sisters - Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, you betcha.
  • Black Mass - This just looks creepy as all get out, I'll have to read the parental guidance before committing to this one but I do love me some Cumberbatch, Bacon and Depp
  • Snowden - I just find him and his story fascinating so I'd be curious to see this one if it gets good reviews.
  • The Walk - Man on Wire was a surprisingly great documentary so I'm definitely intrigued by this one. Plus it will be weirdly nice but also sad to see the twin towers again, if only through computer graphics.
  • Suffragette - In honor of all those amazing women that have gone before, movies like this need to be made. Plus is has Meryl Streep and Helena Bonham Carter so...yeah.


Baby Girl #2

She was a little shy but we finally got to see her face

We had my 20-week ultrasound this week and found out that Cadence is going to have a little sister!

We are so thrilled and excited to meet this little goose, volume two.  My sisters are my best and closest friends and I'm so excited for Cadie and Baby Girl #2 to have that as well.  Sibling relationships are the longest of our lives--more than parents, more than spouses--and we don't take this amazing little being for granted. Everything looked healthy on the scans and I can't believe this pregnancy is already halfway over, I feel like it has flown by!  We hadn't really even started to pick names so if you have some suggestions, let us know :)

20 weeks and finally hitting that second trimester sweet spot